I fervently believe that people don't just wake up in the morning and hope to hurt or tick someone off over the course of their day; that Joe Smith didn't wake up and purposely cut off five people on the way to work, slam the door on someone or, fire the bloke who has been driving him crazy. There are a lot of unkind folks out there, but do you think he/she is consciously aware of it? Do you thing they ponder whether or not there is an alternative?
I pretty much find myself asking this question ten times a day. Usually it's when I've been immersed in a challenging discussion regarding behaviour or asking myself how I could or maybe even want to, respond to something in a different way. I find myself asking, or rhetorically offering clients, friends, or family members the following: “Well, what’s the Alternative? Seriously, would you want the alternative”? Does the alternative offer a better solution? Is it easier to just go with what might be our quick response, to push that person away, not invest in building relationship and continue to build a shield of armour around you, your heart, even your soul? Would you want it to go the other way? What happens if you really say what you feel and forget to use your filter? Can you suppress the desire to be hurtful, unkind, disrespectful?
Ignore is bliss. I often say that one as well. Because maybe we haven't even thought of the alternative. Have you even thought of that before? I have, and it requires a great deal of courage, practice, and the 'desire to desire' the best for another, in all situations. Consciously or subconsciously, negative or nasty behaviours all begin to catch up to us, and hopefully one day, when that happens we have the opportunity to turn it around; to ask the difficult questions and desire something better than the alternative. Leading from a principled stance isn’t always easy and warrants an inner discussion with yourself. A good friend once advised me to pray for the desire to desire to want to change a certain behavior. I remember having to pray for the desire to desire, to desire, to desire, to desire, where eventually, I did have the desire and the behaviour changed. But it took a very long time. As a trained nutritionist, I understand that our health is dependent upon the desire to work toward a mental, physical, and nutritional balance and long-term commitment regarding behaviours related to food intake, exercise, managing stress, and maintaining a healthy approach to work and life. It’s the same with leadership. Leadership begins with you and requires your long-term investment in you. To become the best version of yourself begins with understanding who you are and who you want to be; becoming firm in who you are, rooting your feet to the ground with a confidence and courage that enables you to fail, to make mistakes, and unearth the best in you and others so as to focus on unleashing the potential in those around you. It requires letting go; understanding your fears, the things you need to control and trusting in you, your values, and beliefs. It involves embracing trust so that you can trust in you. It involves humility.
So, what’s the Alternative? I think sticking to a plan that enables the enrichment of those around you is a great alternative. Working toward solutions to challenging situations that uphold the dignity of all involved, is a great alternative. Leading from a place of integrity authenticity, courage, care, and service, would contribute to creative and confident teams, another fabulous alternative. I think I’ll stick to the approach that provides an alternate alternative.
I hope this is helpful. Let me know your thoughts!
Stay safe during these challenging and turbulent times. Sending you love and blessings,
sharon
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